Hotel of inner horrors – part 1

She screamed. Loud enough that her throat hurt and the scream turned into nothing more than a strangled cry. A feeling of unimaginable warmth spread throughout her body as exhaustion took over, she sunk back down to the floor before her legs gave out on her. Footsteps in the corridor let her know that her insubordination would not go unpunished. Her body started to shake violently as she struggled to maintain her concentration. She would need enough energy to face this again, she had tried multiple times to exit this hell but she had never made it past the third room. As she laid on the floor, she closed her eyes and tried to remember how she had gotten here. There was a car. Rain. The squealing of brakes and then overwhelming darkness.

The door stared banging, quietly at first but then louder and louder. There were no words from behind the door, there never was, just the banging was enough to make her heart race. Eowyn scrapped her long auburn hair up into a ponytail, her long fringe almost covering her emerald-green eyes. Her pale skin seemed to shine in the dark, the perspiration only making her shine more. The banging increased in ferocity so much that the door shook under the pressure, Eowyn struggled to control herself through all the noise. Her inner child ran and hid in the corner, urging her physical self to do the same. Pulling back her shoulders to make herself appear more broad, Eowyn braced herself for this. It was time to try again, room one was always the hardest.

Opening the banging door, Eowyn was faced with the same abandoned room she was every time. The once green walls were peeling and chipped to reveal the stained white paint beneath it. There was no light in the room except a single flickering light over the bed in the middle and a window that allowed a small stream of sunlight into the room, becoming a spotlight on the chair. Eowyn took a deep breath and prepared herself to face the first hurdle, although she had experienced this room three times before, the small details changed every time meaning she never knew what to expect.

Stepping into the ‘abandoned’ room, Eowyn took small steps, cautiously looking around for any hint of what was about to happen. Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to look confident walking to the cupboards in the right hand corner. There was always a prop that she was permitted to use in the room; her searching became more frantic as she heard the footsteps again, if she couldn’t find the prop before the people grabbed her then she would have nothing to save her.
She reached the final cupboard door having not found anything, she tried to pull it open but found that it was locked. This had never happened before, the item was always readily accessible, they couldn’t be trying to make her fail? That wasn’t in the rules. She pulled the door with all her might and it started to weaken, placing her feet on each side of the door she put all her weight into falling backwards, the door came away and made her fall to the floor. She was winded, letting her head roll sideways, she looked into the cupboard and saw a paperclip. Fear and panic gripped her as she realised there was no weapon of use for her to fight the oncoming people. Knowing the rules of the game, she grabbed the paperclip and slipped it safely into her pocket as the sound of smashing metal let her know they were coming.

Getting to her feet, she turned and evaluated what she was facing, 3 men were racing towards her as fast as they could. They had there faces covered but there bodies were enough to fear. A single scar cut into their chests, a crest and diamond signifying their cult status. Her throat became dry and, try as she might, she couldn’t make her legs move. They were close enough that she could feel their breath on her cheek, she tensed up preparing for the first hit. The pain spread quickly over her face as the first punch landed. She steadied herself as the hits kept coming, knowing that eventually they would stop and, although the relief would be brilliant, it would be short-lived as the pain of rusty knives cutting into her would be worse. She needed to fight.
She allowed the next hit to knock her off of her feet, but as she fell to the floor, she braced her arms close to her chest so she could take a second to get her breath back. She pulled her leg up and kicked out her feet, not looking at who she hit but hoping that she would hit them hard enough to trip them. If she could just get one of the knives, then she would stand a fighting chance on beating the others. The kick worked as she heard the tell-tale thump of a body hitting the floor, he was down but the other two weren’t. Stamping on his hand while he lay stunned on the floor, she smiled as she heard the crack of his arm breaking. He wouldn’t be getting up to fight her meaning there was only two left.

Summing up all the energy her broken body could muster, she charged towards the biggest of the two people, throwing all her weight behind the final charge. Grabbing his wrist as the blade came down, she pushed the knife into his throat. Feeling the familiar warmth of blood covering her hand, she forced down the overwhelming urge to be sick, and forced it deeper into their throat. The gurgling breath let her know that she had been successful in rupturing his trachea. A side-splitting pain let her know that she had been stabbed. She gasped as she tried to localise the stab through the blood. She couldn’t let this beat her. If she could kill the final guy, then she would be allowed just one night before she would have to face her second challenge.
She fell to the floor and laid still, she had to time this well or it wouldn’t work. She tensed up feeling the rusty blade run up the inside of her thigh moving up to her stomach. She held her breath to ensure that the deception would work. The blade moved up to her throat and she waited until the tip of his nose was almost touching hers and then pushed a blade into his throat. Pulling the blade down as hard as she could, she was relieved to feel his body weight double as his life ended.

The door at the end of the room opened with a loud click. Light flooded the room as the entrance to the healing centre was opened. Eowyn let the tears flow freely now, she had managed to defeat the first obstacle, it felt weird to know that she had just killed three people but the adrenaline flooded through her, leaving her feeling both exhilarated and guilty. As she took the first steps towards the door, two people emerged. Shadowy figures with no distinguishable features, this wasn’t like before, she stood still, prepared to fight if necessary. A sharp scratch made her grab at her neck, feeling cautiously, she could make out a small lump in her neck before everything went dark.

A gentleman stepped forward from the doorway; he was tall and pale, he had piercing blue eyes and dark hair them more. Leaning down to pick Eowyn up, he looked at his colleague ‘I don’t know what we are going to do with this one, we have never had someone keep trying, normally they have cracked by now’. He carried Eowyn through the door and let it close behind him.


5 thoughts on “Hotel of inner horrors – part 1

  1. Since I’m a writer I’ll be as helpful as possible:

    So, really effective. A nice suspenseful, cinematic opening throwing us into the thick of it. The action description packs a punch and commands your imagination, but the geography of the scene – which guy is where and doing what – can be a bit confusing. I had to read back a couple of times to grasp which guy was where/doing what while she was stabbing the other one etc. Are they meant to all be attacking her as a group or standing back and only attacking one at a time?

    There’s also some typo’s, and the odd redundant word. Example of what I mean:

    “Eowyn scrapped her long auburn hair up into a ponytail, her long fringe almost covering her emerald-green eyes.”

    You establish her hair is long and then say her fringe almost covers her eyes, so the repetition of saying “her ‘long’ fringe” isn’t needed. (also it should be scraped not scrapped)

    Looking forward for the next chapter and seeing what direction it goes in.

    Oh, also not keen on the title. Far too many films and books use ‘hotel’. I’d find something a bit snappier “The Inner Horrors” maybe.


    1. Hey tim 🙂

      Thank you for your feedback. I wrote the attacking scene as confused as I can to symbolise her confusion at the situation but understand it can come across as muddled.

      I will look into changing the title…hoping to turn this into a book if I get enough interest!


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